Why Is He Staring At Other Women?
Do you know that feeling? You’re in a restaurant or walking down the street with your partner when he suddenly sees an attractive female and time stops. He seems to forget you’re standing there next to him. He opts out of the conversation as if Sports Center came on and he lost all ability to hear anything but the TV. You’re talking to him and you feel like you are practically non-existent for some period of time until he lands back on planet Earth, looks over at you with his eyes scared and full of guilt, wondering if you had caught his ocular indiscretion. In the meantime, you feel like crap. You’re humiliated and start comparing yourself to her, wondering what he likes about her that’s so much better? I mean, let’s be real — why does he even look at her when you are clearly so much hotter?
I’m sure most of you know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been there, although there are some women who couldn’t care less about their significant other’s momentary ogle. Maybe there are some women who are bisexual and would join the mischief. If you are comfortable with that and your relationship, I’m happy for you… but the majority of women hate when this happens and how they feel after.
You turn on yourself: “Is he bored with me? Does he want to sleep with someone else? Am I not what he wants? Should I dye my hair? Get a boob job?”
You are not the problem. Nature is behind the wheel.
I can hear you screaming inside: “But he can still control himself and not stare at other females, turning his head so much he nearly breaks his neck! Right? How does his think this is OK? I mean, where is his brain?”
I was curious to find out why this happens and found out that biology offers some of the explanation to the “turning neck” phenomena. The hypothalamus is a part of the human brain that controls the nervous system and pituitary functions like body temperature, thirst and hunger. The hypothalamus also affects sleep functions and emotional activity. In men, this brain center acts as ground control for sex signals and is physically twice as big as the female hypothalamus. No wonder research shows men think of sex six times more often than women!
On top of that, testosterone is the hormone that fuels the engine for sexual desire in all humans. Biologically, men have on average 10 to 100 times more testosterone than women, which means men usually have a higher sex drive than women — with exceptions, of course.
And — get ready to have your minds blown — the most impressive fact I found links the male brain center for sex is right next to the male brain center for vision, closely connected. That’s why just looking at pictures of women will turn men on and the most pornography is aimed at attracting a male audience.
So ladies, here we are. There is biological proof to all of this. And where do we go from here?
Evolution is sexy
There are always exceptions to the rules and just because we have a basic animal instinct clanging around in our heads since the caveman days doesn’t mean any of us have the right to act like Neanderthals.
(If he wants to use biology as an excuse for his hurtful behavior, imagine playfully reminding him that the female body is made to have multiple lovers attempt to impregnate her one-after-the-other. I don’t think that would go very well!)
He probably isn’t sleeping with someone else or making mental plans to leave you and I’m not trying to excuse men or anyone of any gender identity with a roving gaze. A passive aggressive comment might seem like the perfect way to make yourself feel better. Or maybe you tend to ditch the passive and head right to the aggressive with a little jab to his ego. Negativity and ineffective communication will most likely turn his attitude sour and cloud the rest of your day — best case scenario. A fight without any problem resolution is a waste of energy and can damage your relationship. The best plan is to tell him how it makes you feel without freaking out or fighting. I strongly believe there is always a room for improvement, especially enforcing proper communication, between a loving couple and this situation is no exception to that rule.
Try something like: “Sweetie, maybe you didn’t notice that you were staring at that woman for a few moments. She is beautiful and I can see why she turned your attention, but I feel unappreciated and even a little unsexy when that happens. Feeling ignored when you drop out of our moment to appreciate doesn’t make me feel very good.”
Gentlemen, if you absolutely can’t live without looking at hot ladies, be a little suave about it. Just as your neck is breaking to clock the woman who just walked in, other female-lovers are admiring your woman when you aren’t looking. You know that, right? How would you want them to treat your woman? With a stare that makes her uncomfortable? No.
Glance. Don’t stare like a creep.
Don’t turn your head like that little girl in “The Exorcist,” almost 360 degrees around, when your lady is next to you. It’s disrespectful and humiliating towards her, your partner and your Queen. When you’re on your own, fine. Maybe the neighbor won’t report back to his wife that he saw your tongue hanging out like a dog. And maybe your lady won’t find out, but don’t forget: The woman you are staring at is a person. She isn’t an object there for your pleasure. She isn’t a piece of meat.
You might think the object of your gaze is oblivious, but we see you — we feel you — staring and oftentimes think, “Ah, another horny ding-dong. Pathetic.”
Don’t be a ding-dong. There’s a reason why mankind has evolved past the Neanderthal stage. That reason is progress. The fittest survived and adapted. And evolution is sexy.