10 Tips To Have The Best Threesome Ever

Because three is never a crowd!

 We all have fantasies — some of those involve our partner, people we meet every day, strangers — but not all fantasies, or sexual encounters, are between two people. Sex is playtime and many of us would like to play with two people in the same time! 

A threesome means that there are three people playing in the bedroom (hence, the name). It can be an established couple inviting another female, often called a unicorn due to her mythical rarity, to play or they can invite an extra male into the bedroom. One of the partners might be bisexual and play with the other man and woman, or the man can play with the two ladies who don’t necessarily have to interact sexually. Or perhaps the man can just watch and masturbate, playing the voyeur. Oh, there are so many constellations of the ménage a trois!

We aren’t going to stop you at just a threesome (the more the merrier!), but let’s slow it down and start with a solid foundation before introducing another one (or two or three) people into your bed.

1. Dip a toe before diving in the pool buck naked.

Communication is key! This cannot be stressed enough. You need to dip your toe and start slowly to test the waters before telling your partner, “Hey, I want to watch you fuck our neighbor. Want to see if she’s in?” Find out what you really like and what turns you on, and then communicate it gently with your partner. See your partner’s reaction; ask them if they have ever fantasized about a homosexual encounter or if they would mind another person in the bedroom. See where they stand and, if you get the green light, then move forward to a detailed discussion.

2. The devil(‘s threeway) is in the details.

Consider what turns you on about this fantasy, why you’re considering bringing it to life and what aspects of the fantasy really get you going. Would you like to see your girlfriend playing with another woman while you watch? Are you interested in having sex with another woman while your girlfriend watches or perhaps encourages you? If you identify as female, would you like to share another woman with your partner? Maybe you yearn for your man to overtake you like a little slut, tag teaming you with another guy. Figure it out; talk it out and get ready to explain your limits and to respect your partner’s boundaries.

3. Set safe, sane and consensual boundaries. 

Yay! Your partner is in! Keep in mind, they might not be in for exactly the fantasy you’d like to pursue… maybe you won’t get double penetration during your first threesome, but you have to start somewhere! Jealousy is a big factor that can cause a lot of worry and stress, although, it doesn’t have to be a blockade to fulfilling your desires. You and your partner need to discuss what might cause each of you jealousy, if anything, and set your boundaries. For example, is kissing the new person a deal breaker or is oral sex a hard limit? Maybe, all of the above is OK, but penetration is a no-go. Is everyone using condoms? Is someone into watching instead of touching? I’ll leave it up to you. 

And remember: a threesome is not the way to fix a broken relationship. Just like having a baby won’t heal marital wounds and place more strain on the relationship, a threesome for the wrong reasons will cause nothing but stress for the couple. (And consider the unicorn’s feelings, too.)

4. Close encounters of the third 

Perhaps you already have someone in mind you’d like to invite to play. Perhaps you need to find someone. The hunt can be very fun, very sexy but it is a very important step in finding your perfect play bunny. There are so many options online . You could get a taste of the chemistry at a party or in a bar. The possibilities are endless so make sure you both feel comfortable with the “hunting” process. 

Sometimes, ladies like to take the lead, find a unicorn, see if they connect and then invite her in the bedroom. This is often a good idea since it can make the woman feel safe that she will find someone she really likes and is equally into her, not just some random who wants to play with the boyfriend and “tolerates the extra” in the bed. 

5. Bars and clubs and online… Oh my!

There is certain risk with any place you search for your new playmate. Most likely you’ll find someone in a bar or a club who will go home with you two. If there is alcohol involved, make sure the person is not too intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. You want them to have a clear mind when giving you enthusiastic, verbal consent about sexual play. Searching online can be very time consuming and you might have to comb through fake or boring profiles until you find the right person. Keep calm and carry on, you sexual adventurer! Don’t give up. Your third exists. 

And remember, this is a stranger, so safety first in the streets before you even hit the sheets. Always meet the potential third in a public place first. A coffee or tea “date” is a great way to see if you click and are on the same page. The best is if you all meet in the same time. After your first rendezvous, discuss your feelings with your partner.  

6. Make sure SHE really likes her

Are you one of those guys that says, “My girlfriend is bisexual she just doesn’t know it yet?” I wish I could use this example for both genders, but men tend to be much pushier when it comes to pursuing threesomes than women. In my 17 years of experience in the sex industry, I have rarely met women who want their boyfriends to play with another man.

            

 

 

 

 

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It’s essential to have good energy between all the parties involved. If there is a bit of insecurity or jealousy it won’t be any good. Before bailing on the whole idea, you might have a nice loving conversation with your partner and express your feelings and worries. You guys might talk it out and see that there is nothing to be worried about, and you are good to go!

 7. The perfect play space

You have the “who, what, why”… now you need the “where and when.” Would you like the threesome to go down at your place, the newbie’s place or a hotel? I like the idea of getting a hotel room for the night. It’s sexy to be somewhere else for this experience, and if you don’t like it or feel unsafe, you can leave. Sometimes, it’s intimidating to go to someone else’s turf for a night of fun and games. Many couples or unicorns struggle with this step. If you all know each other well and don’t have a “threesome hotel rooms” column in your budget, home sweet home is just fine. Pick the best place to play with a lot of sexy options… a big bed, sofa, table… Try it all! 

8. Safety first

Before you even start, make sure you discuss sexual health. Use condoms if you don’t know the other person. If you are male and playing with the ladies, never touch their vaginas one after the other without washing your hands or using mouth wash for your mouth since you can transfer the bacteria from one to the other. I’m sure they would not be pleased. If you want to be absolutely safe and enjoy your playtime, why don’t you all three get tested? That’s not uncommon requirement and it’s another outing to get to know each other if you all get tested together.

9. Before the play

Meet up and start your evening sensually, with some light food and some bubbly, if you drink alcohol (remember, intoxicated people cannot consent, so take it easy with the sauce). Take your time to chat and connect. Have a light and sexy conversation. Ask questions about each other’s lives, hobbies, sexual experiences and what one might want to experience. Share your fantasies while having a glass of champagne and see if they can be fulfilled that night. Of course, don’t cross the boundaries you have already set with your partner. When she said, no oral sex from Suzanne, don’t put your partner into an awkward situation by asking for oral sex from Suzanne. Also discuss your boundaries with the third party. Be loving about it and say you are feeling comfortable to go that far, but certain activities (name them) are uncomfortable for you. Or, maybe you’re the one who likes to go with the flow. Good for you! Let the games begin! 

10. Aftercare

When I was single, I was often invited into threesome play. I enjoyed being a unicorn, but I had to refuse some offers because the couple didn’t engage in aftercare, which is something I need. Even as a unicorn, I need to feel loved and appreciated after such an experience. Oftentimes, women would call me up to join them in their bedroom with their partner, but their expectation was that I get dressed and go home right after sex. 

It felt insensitive and I suggested to a few of the couples that they should hire a professional for what they are actually looking for. My advice: give your unicorn love. After you are done playing, don’t just ask them to leave. Hug and stay in the bed; make a warm tea and discuss the sexual experience; give each other feedback. All three of you can spend the night together or just take some time to cuddle before saying your goodbyes.